Fatalism

It's been ages since i last posted that's because i've been under a lot of stress and change recently. Basically in order to accomplish my dream of becoming a doctor, i must leave all that i love dearly to move to Queensland. Fatalism is a quite a weird thing to believe in if you do - to think all these decisions have all been predetermined and everything has a greater purpose is quite hard to fathom. Another interesting idea is that there is actually "fatal" in the word, and right now, the blows whoever determines such fatalism pathways has given have made me not only question the world around me, but also taught me more in the past few weeks about moving on, and coping with change than i have ever learnt in my life.

As some forum pointed out, it is actually quite normal for American college students to go interstate, or move out of the house for college yet in Australia, this phenomenon is not readily observed because most people stay in their hometown for college outside rural students and other isolated students. It's weird that i too have to leave the nest but obviously, many people have already said that it definitely changes you, teaches you to become independent and most people come back a better person but right now, it feels as though everything in my life is crumbling down, just waiting to be moved to a new place where it must be restored and reconstructed from rubble. I do home fatalism exists and that every decision in life can never truly be bad because with every big move, there comes big changes, and surely many of them must be good right? My current girlfriend stated that it doesn't really matter whether or not fatalism exists or not because not only can you never prove it, but you only have one life to go through linearly so all the "what ifs?" can never really be hypothesised because there is only one reality - what did. So that is why you must try and take each day as best you can because there is only one version of that day to live. Everyone may wonder what could've been and regret but you must try not make it a common occurrence and that is how you are meant to live life.

This often reminds me of the movie "Failure to Launch" where the parents of a thirty or so male decide to hire somebody to get their son to leave the house and stop mooching. In my situation though, i'm rather thrown off to the deep end, without much notice and now must try and fend for myself although i am financially supported - i must find the other supports for myself and my greatest fear is the inability to find social footing and academic footing. If only i could look down the track some months in the future and see myself all content and peaceful then i could have a greater sense of security but right now, everything's up in the air and nothing is concrete which is the worst feeling for me, somebody who has always been protected and sheltered from the world.

All the goodbyes have been said and done, and everything is now set on a single date, all the sadness has transitioned into fear and frustration at the uncertainty of the future as i wait and see how things turn out. Fatal-ism indeed.

Enjoying the last moments here in my hometown so bye.