single and singing

The recent increase of rugby training along with the supposed studying i am meant to have conducted have been occupying my time in the past few days. Tests are coming up soon and yet i still am procrastinating such as yesterday where i ended up indulging in pho (beef noodle soup in case you don't know) at a Vietnamese restaurant in Hurstville. Also right now as i write this blog. For once in my life though i actually feel relieved for today i realised something that changed me, an epiphany if you will.

nirvana and marijuana

With the lights out, it's less dangerous so come as you are, as you were, as i want you to be. Everyone remembers the grunge band Nirvana with the lead singer tragically dying due to a suicide (or many other conspiracy theories out there). They spoke ironically of a life that was far from the Buddhist ideal of Nirvana for they sang of angst, alienation and apathy. Maybe it is impossible for most people to acheive such sense of enlightenment but most people continue to try because just being close to true happiness is enough in my opinion.

pros and problems

I have decided that it actually might be better to write in full grammatical sentences for many reasons including: that the half-yearlies are coming up soon and practising my rather crap style of writing with no commas (it's seriously for effect) does not improve my english mark, that it does actually kind of look stupid and is not "deep" and because change is rarely a bad thing. Oh yeah, plus the fact that people will read this shit anyway regardless of what or how i write it.

return

Sometimes we are all overwhelmed by the pressure of the bustling world of which we try but fail to understand. some turn to new experiences to numb the realisation. some turn to current problems and try to solve them. some turn all the way around back to previous memories.

For some people let their minds return to the good old days. days of ignorant bliss. days of sunset tinged park grass. days of worrying about one thing. days of cricket and rugby at the park. days of carefree banter between friends. days of bitch-less interaction amongst classroom students. essentially every time i walk down a certain path to return home i do something most would describe as childish and climb upon one certain ledge fencing the grass of the apartment situated at the corner. this personally takes me back. it returns me to the better days.

faith

For many men has always attempted to explain many questions through many means. through religion and its three major branches of islam christianity and judaism. through science and its three major branches of biology chemistry and physics. through mathematics and its three major branches of arithmetic geometry (sets) and calculus. through media and its three major branches of print electronic and oratation. although i have just managed to somehow bullshit three branches for all the things aforementioned i can still not explain everything nor can humans.

freedom

The other day i was waiting for a train only to glimpse a frail blind man with his cane scrambling to find his way through the doors and onto a seat. this really got me thinking about how precious simple things like sight are. personally i can not imagine and never hope to a world deprived of the beauty of light. or the beauty of music. or the beauty of taste. or the beauty of skin. or the beauty of aroma. i believe, as "gay" as it sounds that everyday everyone (more so in developed countries) should try their best to enjoy the world. unfortunately though, this will fall on deaf ears including mine for humans are always preoccupied with much more perceived important things. every now and then though i enjoy just being alone, walking through even what people consider a man-made suburb like hurstville and enjoy its sights sounds smells savours and smooth stone. some things we just take for granted.

excuses

It is the time of the month it seems for many of my male friends. manstrations are terrible little things which cause many to stay at home out of embarrassment. trying to organise to do the littest of things become hard. however unlike women who become irritable and difficult, men become boring and difficult. they choose to pretend. to lie. to alienate. they believe they are doing work of some productivity. they lie about the importance of events that might not exist. they alienate people staying in their rooms stroking objects of importance to them. i am not preaching that staying at home is necessarily a bad thing or a uncommon thing. rather i am saying that with three days of the holidays left, pride, glory, deception, hateship is best left aside. the process of enjoying the last of autumn holidays is far more concerning.

vows

I have not been able to write to you the past few days because of many reasons. after reading this it might become clear why.

Every year countless hopefuls set out on new year resolutions believing they can change one thing about them. sometimes you hear the cliched ones like losing weight. styling better. being more popular. doing more work. yet it are these cliched ones which most people succeed the least in for most hope that a new year alone can resolve chronic problems. the answer is to get more realistic. things like walk somewhere everyday as opposed to jog. go on a lifestyle change as opposed to a diet (which never works). try getting one more friend as opposed to trying to convince the entire school that you're actually not a wanker.

questions

"What the fuck?" the truth is everyone including me has asked this question at least once in our lives. it is the beauty of humanity that allows one to question what is the status quo, what is the meaning of life and what is the reason i'm even writing this blog as we speak.

"What is the meaning of life?" how many wasted hours with religions believing they have the answer to the meaning of life with an omnipotent omnipresent entity known as god. how many wasted lives with the battles between religions over their so called right way to a certain enlightenment whether that be bliss, heaven or some other afterlife. how many wasted words in philosophy books on existentialism, nihilism and anybigwordplusism. how many wasted minds of philosophy that could have further advanced human's current living situation instead of advancement in the thinking of what could be. how much wasted energy we spent asking "what if?" on the train better spent discussing "reeking" things.

"What is the reason it is so?" a increasingly capitalist economy with a parliamentary democratic government system based on a constitutional monarchy. a increasingly ethnically diverse populated city and surrounding suburbs with a rather unreliable train system based on a failed mytransport scheme. a increasingly average family with a conventional hierarchy system based on two working parents. a increasingly headache-causing blog with no easy solving system based on too much time.

The answer to all the above questions is simple. the meaning of life is to live. the reason it is so is because. the ultimate answer. 42. or rather "who gives a fuck". now i'm going to get an ice-cream.

change

Sorry that i have not been able to write in a few days as i have been relaxing up at the central coast the past few days of easter. now this time alone (solitary was never good for anyone) has got me thinking about real deep things. such as change.
You can talk about physical changes such as the sun rising in the morning then setting at dusk. you can talk about technical changes such as the sun rise at exactly 6:11am tomorrow, setting at 5:44pm, and on Thursday rising at 6:12am, setting at 5:43pm. you can talk about psychological changes such as daylight savings which recently was reversed giving me an extra hour of sleep which anyone would appreciate. you can talk about literal changes such as sol (i somehow still remember my fail latin) changing into sun when english became prevalent. you can talk about many changes, but the one thing that won't change is the fact that i won't wake up in time tomorrow to see the sun rise nor the Rugby training that is really more like a 7am-2pm job.

Recently i had a fallout with a good friend and her friend whom i had an eye on. the reason i gave was that people change. sometimes apart. sometimes together. sometimes for the best. sometimes for the worst. of course this time it was apart. for the best. but she didn't get that. she couldn't accept the facts. she couldn't accept change. she believed she was in a dream world where everything's perfect and everything has a destined path. life is not a destined path with a set destination. it's a journey best enjoyed not thinking about the destination. reminds me of topgear of which they raced with one fuel tank to a destination 750mi away. the one who took it seriously, cruising at boringly slow speeds, listening to the sound of cars racing by and in a hot car did not make it. the one who enjoyed the trip, speeding along the motorway, radio full blast and air conditioning the empty passenger seat did. sorry for the random change to topgear. or should i be sorry? rhetorical questions suck.

People change. friendships change. relationships change. life changes. deal with it.